struggling to stay awake

There is a story from my childhood that I used to love to read. It's either by Frank Peretti or Max Lucado, I can't remember. Anyway, the story is about two brothers who arrive on an island with 'the captain" (I think he may be their grandfather, not sure). Anyway, it is very evident that he loves them very much. But he has to leave them there for a little while. But he promises he will come for them, they just need to watch the horizon. He reassures them of how very much he loves them. He also warns them to not go back into the jungle on the island. He says the things in the forest are not good and to stay near the shore and watch for him. The three say a tearful good bye and the captain sails away. The boys watch him until they can see his ship no more. So morning after morning, day by day, they watch for him. After a while one of the brothers starts to turn his gaze back toward the forest. And talk about it. And wonder about it. One night, he succumbs to temptation and goes in. When his brother confronts him the next morning the two argue. "There is nothing bad about this island after all. Why won't the captain let us go in it?" the one brother asks the other, and he says he doesn't think the captain is coming back or even loved them in the first place. Little by little this brother begins to spend more and more time in the forest. Somedays he doesn't come back at all. His appearance even begins to change. His blue eyes are no longer blue, but grey. Everything about him is turning grey, just like the island. The other brother tearfully continues to watch the ocean's horizon pleading for the captain's return. Then one day, he sees it. The captain has returned for them! Unfortunately, his brother has not returned from the forest. He has been gone for days now. The captain and the boy are forced to leave the boy on the island, mourning in the knowledge that he has made his choice to stay.

This story, ever so simple, seems to speak to me in more depth now as adult. How we tire of watching! How we tire of trying to remember this good God we are waiting for. How we try to remember what we are even watching for. How the place we live starts to seem okay, good even, after being away from home and the captain for so long. How we long to be done with the endless waiting. It's like trying to stay awake when driving at night while exhausted- so much focus and energy and strain...

In the Bible, Paul wrote a letter to the Romans of that time who were struggling. This is part of his letter:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation WAITS in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. Against its will everything on earth was subjected to God's curse. All creation anticipates the day when it will join God's children in glorious FREEDOM from all DEATH and DECAY. For we know that all creation has been GROANING as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And even we Christians, although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, also GROAN TO BE RELEASED from PAIN and SUFFERING. We, too, WAIT anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the NEW bodies he has promised us.
"Now that we are saved, we eagerly look forward to this FREEDOM.
"And the Holy Sprit helps us in our DISTRESS. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with GROANINGS that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit PLEADS for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes all things to work togther for the good of those who LOVE God and are called according to his purpose for them.
"What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?
"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatend with death?
"I am convinced that NOTHING can ever separate us from his love. Death can't. Life can't. The angels can't, the demons can't. Our fears today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD, which is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:18-23,26-28, 31, 35-39)

The truest, most honest prayer from my heart has no words. There are no words, only groans and sighs and tears and frustrations and sometimes, joy. All wordless. And the Bible says that God knows our hearts and wants our good and has a purpose for our lives. He understands- he wants to hear our hearts. I don't want to get mushy. So I will just leave it at that.

This video so resonates with me and my experience. Check it out:
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5