I'm sorry if you know me and I am not as outspoken about my faith as I am here on my blog. I am cowardly / prideful / I hate to make people feel awkward. I think about my friends and acquaintances' spiritual well being a lot. I just don't know the difference between pleading for your soul versus intruding in on your comfort.
There is a spiritual decision that everyone must make. I believe that. I just am afraid to present it. So I blog about it. Passive sharing of my faith. Come read my blog! *sigh*
Forgive me Father.

I've fallen and I can't get up! (I'm in a Target dressing room.)

So, my panic attacks. To catch you up, I had about 4 more immediately following after getting on some meds. They weren't nearly as bad, but definitely scary. Woo Hoo for medicine!
Although this 'weakness/ flaw/ illness' is fairly embarrassing for me, I have openly shared with people what's been going on. You would not believe how many people have shared with me their own struggles with anxiety, depression, post pardom depression, and post traumatic stress syndrome! Satan thrives on secret keeping because it isolates us from others. In that isolation he is better able to feed us lies. In isolation we are weak, vulnerable, like a lamb separated from the flock. 1 John i:5 says, "God is light. In Him there is no darkness at all." The Bible also says that two are better then one. If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
TELL somebody. Find somebody you can trust.
While many people have had bad church experiences, the truth is that there is no such thing as a perfect church, but some are better then others. Join a small group or Bible study. You can find a group of believers who are trustworthy and honest, and loving. I know. I have some friends such as these. Former alcoholics, gambling addicts, pornography addicts, self- worshiping addicts (me); the prideful (again, me) the stubborn, the mean hearted, the abused, those who've had affairs, the broken are all people I know. And I love them. They are my friends. And we are loved by the King who forgives and can change ANYONE. I want to be healed and saved from the tyranny of myself.

Isaiah 61 (condensed. Spoken by the prophet Isaiah, sent to write these words down for us to read in 2009)

He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted,
proclaim freedom for the captives,
and release from darkness for the prisoners
to comfort those who mourn,
provide for those who grieve
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes
joy instead of mourning,
a garment of praise instead of despair.

This is the God I worship.
He is so powerful.
And good.

I hear voices

Do you ever hear voices in your head? Like, sometimes, if I just messed up bad or did something stupid, or have a decision to make, or even if I am getting dressed and think I look bad, I hear a voice in my head judging me, tearing me down. But the weird thing is that the voice, usually is the voice of a real person I know. Like, a relative I feel is judgmental of me, or a friend who has made fun of me, or someone who just seems perfect and must think I am just a complete mess. It's their voice. Isn't that weird? A lot of times the comments follow me around in my sub-conscience before I am even aware of it.

There is a lot of competition in my heart for my heart. My voice, others' voices, real and perceived. And God's voice. His is the only persistent voice, constant, like my very heart beat, for in Him I live and move and have my being. (Acts 17:28).

Maybe we die not because our heart stops beating, but because God's voice has gone out of us. Maybe we die because he wants us home, or maybe, because we have said, "No" to him so many times that he finally says, "Okay." and it's over. The pursuit is over.

This is good news. This is very good news. It means that if you can still hear your heart beating in your chest, you can still hear God. And therefore, he is still pursing you, believe it or not. Today if only you would hear his voice, do not harden your heart....

"Suppose a shepherd has 100 sheep and looses one of them. Does he not leave the 99 in the open country and go after that lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home." Luke 15:4

You are not as lost as you might think.