the title of this blog is truthhope and ironically, lately, i feel like i have offered nothing but cynicism. that's just where i'm at right now, i guess. i wish i had something really beautiful to say today to inspire you (or myself), but i have nothing. it is really hard to get time to cultivate beauty inside of myself because i am so busy. and i don't mean busy as in 'i volunteered for 20 million things and now i'm too busy poor me". i mean, i knowingly decided to have a baby with my husband and ever since my life has been ransacked by a 2 ft. tall dictator. i really had nooooooooooooo idea. no idea. whatsoever. no idea. oh man............
trying to keep a house clean (which isn't actually happening), trying to take care of my 24 hr a day, 7 days a week boss, and trying to keep hold of my husband's hand in the midst of all this is, well, exhausting. by the time i have some free time i am too tired to even read a book or pray or whatever. plus, i know that there is more laundry or floor mopping that needs to be done. so then i feel guilty. i sometimes envy people who don't have spouses or children (no- i take that back- i do not envy people who don't have spouses. being married is AWEsome.). i guess there are trade-offs: freedom to come and go vs. coming home to an empty house. having to take care of someone vs. getting to take care of someone. the excitement of dating vs. the comfort and safety of someone seeing the real you and loving that completely. getting to spend all of your money on yourself vs. well... there is no downside to that! ;) i don't buy myself clothes any more. i always end up in the baby department- at least she looks good.
ok. the point i am trying to make is that i am sorry if i am depressing anyone reading this blog. i'm sure that soon i will have lighter things to write about. i just don't right now.
if you want to feel happier, read one of my earlier posts.
Day 28. Path.
9 years ago